


These Things I've Never Known

by Monna99



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Ignores everything after season 2?, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:27:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6691456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monna99/pseuds/Monna99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fitz is having a hard time accepting that Mack is one of the good guys after his betrayal. He's starting to realize that it's because Mack is more than just another coworker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Things I've Never Known

“He’s going to be okay.”

Fitz paused in the twirling of his pen. There was nothing else to do except sit there with Simmons until someone decided what to do with them.

“Agent Mackenzie,” the man who introduced himself as Calderon said at Fitz’s blank look. “You know, in case you give a damn about the man who saved your life.”

Fitz dropped his gaze, lips tightening. He didn’t answer and after a moment Calderon huffed disgustedly and left. 

Jemma’s cool, firm hand reached over and gripped his tightly. Everyone was in the wind and - as always - they only had each other to depend on.

“We’ll be okay, Fitz,” she murmured.  
.

 

______________________________________________________________

 

It was several hours before anyone else deigned to pay them any attention.

“Follow me, please.” Agent Weaver did not pause and walked briskly by them, leaving Fitz and Simmons to scramble after her. “You will not have your old accomodations,” she was saying. “I’m certain you understand that you are still considered a security risk though we do hope that will change soon. It all depends on you. You will be placed in holding rooms until that time.” Her words were emphasized by the sharp click of her heels. “You can leave the room anytime you like but it will be only under another agent’s supervision and your wanderings will be restricted.” 

She looked at them for acknowledgement. Fitz scowled but nodded along with Jemma. Not like there was any choice in the matter.

“Agent Simmons, this is your room.”

Jemma stepped through. She was clearly ill at ease but doing all she could not to show it. He wished they could have been placed together. Her smile was strained when she turned to him but it was there. “I’ll see you soon, Fitz.”

He nodded, keeping his mouth shut and turned to once again follow Agent Weaver to his own holding cell. They had never looked quite so depressing before.

 

____________________________________________________

 

Fitz awoke in a cold sweat. His heart was pounding, a leaping stutter that seemed to echo in his head. He was gasping, shoving himself out of bed in time to be sick into the toilet. 

Shaky, pale and cold he lay on the reinforced tile trying to control his breathing. He could feel a looming panic attack. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t see. He was at the bottom of the ocean again but this time he was alone and in the dark. No one coming for him. 

He was so lost in the sensation of an airless deathtrap that it was a full minute before he realized it was no longer dark. Loud, heavy footsteps were coming closer.

“Turbo!”

Fitz gasped and suddenly he was back in a S.H.I.E.L.D. holding cell.

“Come on, buddy. Look at me.”

Fitz could see now, it was Mack. Warm, alive Mack. He nearly sobbed.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Strong, capable hands closed on his arms and dragged him up. Lifted him and turned him so he was moving back towards the bed. 

“Here, sit down.”

He sat and pulled his knees toward his chest, wrapping his arms around himself. 

“Fitz.”

Fitz didn’t look at him. As relieved as he was that Mack was alive, he hadn’t forgotten that he was also the enemy.

Mack sighed and kneeled in front of the bed, arms on either side of Fitz’s legs. Close, but not touching.

Fitz was shivering. He couldn’t get warm. 

“Turbo, buddy.”

“Don’t call me that!” Fitz snapped.

Mack paused. “Okay.”

The moment of silence stretched. Mack reached past Fitz, not stopping even when Fitz shied away and grabbed the blanket, tucking it around the genius.

“Better?”

Fitz didn’t answer.

“What happened? Seemed like a pretty bad nightmare.”

Fitz remained stubbornly silent. 

“Yeah.” Mack stood and sat next to Fitz, the mattress surrendering to Mack’s considerable bulk. “I’ve had those. Can’t tell what’s real or what’s fake when you wake up.”

Fitz snorted. “I know what’s real. And this fake caring friend you’re playing at isn’t.”

Mack nodded. “I understand why you feel that way but I think deep down you know that’s not true. What we had - what we have - our friendship is real.”

“Friends don’t betray each other.”

Mack sighed and leaned back on the bed, back against the wall. “I wish I could have told you the truth, Fitz, but you wouldn’t have understood. I hope now I’ll be able to change that.”

Fitz turned away. “You can leave now. I’m not going anywhere,” he pointed out bitterly. 

Mack straightened again with a pained huff and it was only then that Fitz noticed the white bandage peaking out underneath Mack’s standard issue S.H.I.E.L.D. t-shirt. He felt guilty then angry at himself for his guilt. Mack was hurt because of his own team, it had nothing to do with Fitz.

Still, Fitz couldn’t look at the other man when he stood, clearly favoring his right side. 

“I’ll be outside if you need anything, okay? Just yell.”

“Outside?” Fitz asked, startled out of his passive aggression.

Mack looked uncomfortable. “You know you can’t go anywhere without an escort, right? Well, I’m outside if you suddenly feel like a midnight snack.”

Fitz eyed the bandage again and said reluctantly, “Shouldn’t you be in your own bed convalescing?” 

Mack shrugged, then winced. “It’s not exactly stressful to sit and read a book.”

It was harder than Fitz had anticipated to separate the man who had been his friend from this man now standing before him. There was the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who had been working an infiltration job and had made seamless work of fitting in and the warm, caring mechanic who had wheedled and pushed and dragged Fitz out of the darkness in his own head. The darkness that was threatening again and now Mack was no longer standing in its way, now the other man was part of it. 

“Goodnight, Fitz,” Mack said with uncharacteristic hesitancy. 

It was an eternity before Fitz was able to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "A Stranger" by Lang Leav


End file.
